I'm gonna be a Writer

Yesterday I hit a wall. I had started with so much enthusiasm! I just KNEW I should get this business going. It was a spiritual awakening to come to terms with it.

I have been looking for the perfect career for me: do something I love, something I am good at, something useful and important, something other people need, that I don't have to go back to school for, that I don't have to invest a ton of money up front to begin, that I can choose the hours, and that I can do from home. Whoa. It sounds like too much to ask and so for all this time I have believed that it was.

And then several things happened. First came the recession. So many of my friends are losing their jobs, or are in fear of this (with good reason). Some are holding onto positions that they hate for dear life because there are no others. Some are leaving the country, selling homes, or taking positions for which they are highly over-qualified.

Next, I have been struggling with my teenage son. I also teach teenagers - difficult ones who have mental illnesses. I am also a single parent. Me and difficult teenagers 24/7, 365 has become a bit much for this ole gal.

Additionally, do I need to mention how much thanks teachers tend to get from the students? parents? the government? the nation? It gets old. Especially with THE TEST being such a huge focus.

Then I started my first blog. People started commenting! Oh my gosh! The rush of success and the thought that - because people said so - I had reached and/or helped others was awesome. Truly.

So I started another one. Again, success. This one had more personal, tougher subject matter. There was some criticism. And I questioned my resolve to continue with it.

Yet, I felt I should start writing for a living. I knew my voice was worth it. I know it is. It's really hard to claim that! It seems so arrogant. And yet, I've paid my dues. I've been writing for fun in journals and notebooks since I was 12. I was picked in the 7th grade for a Duke University talent search, specifically about writing. I have been published. I've had columnists, journalists, and other published authors let me know they though I had talent and should go for it. But I haven't. And in a month I will be 40. That's right. Time's a wastin'.

So, here I go. You're my witness.

I will tell you that yesterday I applied for several freelance jobs online. One for a fashion advisor, one for an article writer for a certain magazine. I got so frustrated at one point about what direction to take that I teared up. Should I read more articles about how to write articles? how to pitch queries? Should I just pick a magazine and try to write an article for it? Should I apply for writing gigs on craigslist? I ended up doing all those things. I don't have the article written yet. Ok, I still need to decide on that one. But I did the other stuff! And I DID decide to begin this blog.

It's also a bit of a shameless plug, should you or anyone you know want to hire me.

Thanks!